Like the one before it, this post comes to you in parts; specifically, three of them. Before we get to those though, I just have to say even when you’re in a heat wave and tired as hell, you still manage to make me laugh! I’m glad you had an excellent Fourth of July even if you had to walk on crunchy grass.
Part 1- The Mood Swings of Mother Earth:
I assure you, your weather isn’t the only one being weird. Mother Nature is either a really mean, vindictive entity (person?) or the US is experiencing bizarre weather patterns for some reason. People are all like, “Global warming what nonsense- that’s preposterous!” Well then geniuses, how do you explain the fact that today in my lovely home town in the Midwest we experienced 80 degree weather, followed by thunderstorms? That wasn’t the oddest bit: shortly after the thunderstorm it proceeded to hail. In July. In 80 degree weather. I’d just like to remind you all hail is made of ice. There is something slightly wrong with this. After that, it rained some more. Then these weird fog clouds appeared out of nowhere, and started rolling (traveling?) down the street. I suspect dementors; I have been feeling a bit down lately. To top it all off, it’s raining again. YAY!
Part 2- Why Teenagers Who Read (John Green Especially) Will Save America
Ignoring the weather, things have been pretty boring here. I’ve been going to volleyball camp, going to art classes, hanging out with a few select friends, reading, and then waking up the next day to do it all over again. My savior from boredom this long, hot summer comes in a loved and reread copy of Paper Towns by John Green, who's one of my favorite authors. (He would be my favorite, except JK Rowling beats him out with the seven amazing Harry Potter books. I'm sorry John, NO ONE beats Harry Potter!)
I’m really impressed with the fact that out of all the books on the list I gave you, you read my mind and bought Looking for Alaska. That book is sweet, sensitive, and challenged me to think about life, the way I live it, and my relationships with other people. In my opinion, Looking for Alaska summed up parts of the teenage experience and emotions that go along with. I appreciate the fact the book is written in a unique and truthful way; not in the way that many young adults books are, clutching at straws and, cover topics discussing they think teenagers want to hear: sex and drugs, and vampires. Sometimes, we do want to hear those things, but not all the time. Sometimes we want to talk about life, love, and loss. Sometimes we want to discuss how events can change us, and how we can change the things that need fixing in the world. This book has an realness to it that makes it a worthwhile read. Also, I may or may not have bawled like a baby at the end of the book. I propose we do a shared post about the beauty of Looking for Alaska when you’ve finished it.
****See Side note*****
Hales it makes me really happy that you’ve been watching Stephen Colbert, because now I can come out of the closet and confess my dirty secret. I’ll admit it; I won’t deny it anymore. I watch John Stewart most nights, and I laugh loudly at all his liberal Jew jokes. So now you and the world know, and I am not ashamed. (Ok, just a little bit.) What bleeding heart liberals we are. You and other Stephen Colbert watchers are what restore hope in my country’s future. (Just saying.)
Part 3- History Is a Bunch Of Stuff that Happened to Dead People:
Today, or technically yesterday (July 10th) since I am writing this at midnight, I was on Wikipedia. What you may or may not know about me Haley is that I am a Wikipedia junkie. I will admit I am slightly addicted to the "On This Day" section, and read about all the fascinating things that happen on that particular date in time. Some people eat when they’re bored, some people watch TV, I look things up on Wikipedia. Which brings us to a new segment in this blog that I’d like to call interesting crap that happened to people who are dead, or ICHPWD. That’s a bit of a mouthful so I’m just going to take a hint from Wikipedia and call it Today’s News of the Past as told by Rhea and/or Hayley. ( I realize I’ve already wrote a News of the Past segment about Frida Khalo, I must go back and retag that! For that post click here.)
This, in a very roundabout way, brings us back to today’s news of the past: my friend (okay she’s long dead) Lady Jane Grey. I will admit, when I first read her name I only clicked on her article just because I thought it was referring to the Grey Lady in Harry Potter. I was sadly mistaken but, did learn several interesting things about the dear lady.
Lady Jane Grey was the Queen of England for exactly nine days, earning her the title the Nine Days Queen (Some historians think it’s thirteen days actually; the thirteen day queen just doesn’t have the same ring to it.)
Lady Jane Grey's rule is the shortest rule of a monarch in England. Another interesting fact about her, is her life sort of sucked. You’re probably wondering why she only ruled for nine days. You're also probably wondering why her life sucked; unless you already googled her. In which case, PAY ATTENTION! You might think being Queen for nine days might not be that bad. Well, it is if you spend your entire reign trapped in the Tower of London, the old school jail in the days of the royal court, waiting for yourself to be sentenced to death. Back to that later. Lady Grey’s problem really started when she was a young child back in the 1500s. She had incredibly abusive parents even for the time period. This is saying something because flogging, whipping, and verbal abuse were completely acceptable at this time. Jane Grey was apparently quite bright for a girl, spoke three languages, and made her own choice to become a protestant. At the age of ten, she was sent to live with her relative the Queen Consort of England and some of her other cousins. For her sake I hope they were nicer to her. Fast forward 7 years, after a failed engagement Jane at the age of 16 or 17 Jane was married off to Lord Guilford Dudley. Apparently, Jane stated her preference for single life, but her mother forced her into marriage. (Wicked women, destroying the life of a perfect independent, smart, proud women! I unfortunately do know the time period called for it.) I know what your thinking Hales; feminist a bit Rhea?
Anyways, the way the lovely Lady became Queen was through the King failing to provide a heir and he picked Jane because she was the protestant heir of his younger sister. (I think that’s how it happened?) You can read about it one wikipedia here if your intrigued. This family had some seriously bad luck with male heirs. They went through three separate families’ with no male heirs, which is how the unlikely event occurred that Lady Jane took the throne. My favorite part of this story, is that Lady Jane Grey refused to make her husband the king, but offered him the position of Duke of Clarence. (GIRL POWER! and/or meaness- you decide.) Some people in the 1500s, and now believe Lady Jane Grey to not actually be Queen due to some legal issue with Parliament. Again, I don’t really undestand that so check the wikipedia article here. Anyways now we get to the fascinating part, her death. That doesn’t make me sound morbid in the slightest, nope!
Jane and her husband, Lord Guilford Dudley were both charged with high treason in trial on November 13, 1553. Jane was sentenced to be burned alive or to be beheaded “as the queen pleases.” (As the Queen pleases my ass; who the heck wants to be beheaded? See, if I was queen I would please to stay alive and I’m sure she wanted that too.) Fortunately for Jane, it was ordered by imperial ambassador, Charles V, Holy Roman Emperor, that her life was too be spared. Yay, everyone cheers Jane lives, although she isn’t queen anymore- Cousin Mary is, and then, the universe takes another dump on her. In January 1554, there was a protestant rebellion. People were calling for Jane to be reinstated as Queen, and as a precaution the monarchy had her executed to prevent future uprisings. I mean it sucks to be murdered for being a criminal, but it really sucks to be murdered for something you didn’t do. Oh yeah, the worst part of this-her cousin consented to her murder. It took a bit of convincing from Prince Phillip but, apparently they felt taking the precaution was necessary. This girl had a really nasty family; apparently Lady Jane's father knew about the beheading, but did nothing to try to stop it. So Jane was beheaded five days later in a private execution inside the Tower of London which was attended by the queen. The Queen was suposedly there to "honor" her cousin. See, if it was me (which thank the lord it wasn’t) I wouldn’t necessarily want to see the cousin who sentenced me to death.
Jane ascended the scaffold where she was to be beheaded with dignity. After reciting Psalm 51 (Have mercy upon me, O G-d) the executioner asked her forgiveness. Then she asked something of him, “I pray you dispatch me quickly.” Jane proceeded to blindfold herself, and quickly lost all composure. After not being able to find the beheading block she cried out, “What shall I do? Where is it?"
Someone helped her compose herself and guided her over to the block. Her final words were, “Lord, into thy hands I commend my spirit!" After declaring this, she was promptly executed. Today, Lady Jane Grey is apparently regarded as a Protestant martyr. Being Jewish, I have no idea if this is true. Thus ends another gruesome tale from the blood splattered pages of English history.
****Sidenote****
(In case you’re incredibly slow and missed the first two links to Lady Jane Grey’s page here’s a last one: Clickity!)
****Sidenote*****: I don’t know why, but I’ve found I like and have a deeper understanding of all John Green’s books once I read them a second time. I’ve just gotten a lot more out of them when you’re free to think more about the metaphors and less about the plot.
**** Footnote*****: I like hearing stories about prominent women who changed history, stood up for themselves and other women, and made their own choices. So I really liked this story, you know, until the dying part.
Just an observation about myself: In this short post, I manage to reference Harry Potter three times. Ahhhh the joys of being a dork! NERDFIGHTERS!!! (Sorry obscure reference, for those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about click here)
I’m very excited to see your hat pictures Haley (Seeing the real hats at camp wouldn’t be bad either!), and read your very well written next post.
P.S. I keep promising you a fashion post and I have one for next time. It’s even long for my standards. It’ll be up after you post yours. It’s been a long time coming, and Haley you should be excited about the lesson you’re going to be receiving about the dying industry of cotoure fashion ;) I’ll be showing you this season’s cotoure lines and referencing Galliano, Givenchy, and Gaultier A LOT! It’s weird that three of my favorite designers who do haute cotoure lines start with G. You can tell this is being written at night. I need to go to bed!
Much Love,
A pleasantly cool Rhea
